English Banditry

Well this blows. I thought I'd be safe registering for the JLPT 日本語能力試験 in Shanghai if I did it within the first week (out of three) of which registration is open. It's a shameful testament to my understanding of China's culture (or population? a little of both to be sure). TEST PSYCHOS! So I register (to be eligible to pick a testing location) on the website, but it's not liking my lack of Chinese name and the space between my first and middle name. So I had to waste the morning faxing them and on the phone getting that straightened out...

And with all that effort... I neglected to do any web searches and find out the pure insanity of this country. The essential literature:

Secret Techniques to getting into the JLPT level 2 test. It has lucid beautiful details about the best and fastest web browsers to use, recommended locations with the fastest connections to the internet, auto page refresh techniques, and reference details about page refreshing hotkeys, etc.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE! From this I see there are nearly 25,000 seats in Shanghai alone for Levels 1 and 2. EVERY SEAT IN THIS ENTIRE GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY WAS TAKEN IN 21 MINUTES! Twenty-one MINUTES!!!

I'm not just a week too late --- by 21 minute interval standards, I'm a lifetime too late.

My last inkling of hope is that every day at noon a few seats from idiots that screwed up on paying their 350 RMB testing fee will be released. . .  I'm not liking these odds.

Yes, I mean you, asshole.

STUDYING IN JAPAN

Maybe you were the son of a bitch Chinese foreign student at a party in Japan. When I approached you ever so politely in Japanese, you responded in your retardo English. You asked me things like "How long you study English?”, things I will never understand. As polite as I was to you, you continued to break rapport through our entire "broken" conversation as you tried to burgle my English. Your English is a piece of shit, but you, being the arrogant mother fucker that you are, continued to vomit your disgusting infected wound of an excuse for "English" upon me. I don't know what kind of a tramp you had for a mother, but she certainly didn't teach you the proper manners of polite society. You have a lot of nerve treating another person like you tried to treat me. I did not come all the way to Japan to help a stupid Chinese boy like you who didn't learn English for a shit review the basics of English he should have mastered by age 14. As cool as you thought you were, you sure as shit didn't impress me. There are a million non-native English speakers in Europe and around the world who could walk circles around the ability you MIGHT gain IF AND ONLY IF you were to spend every waking moment of every day for the rest of your worthless joke of a life studying English. I'm sure your little Chinese buddies standing behind you were impressed by what a badass you are, but in the REAL world you were the jackass. The joke is on you, because while you thought you were showing off -- you were the fool. I was replying back to you in perfect Polish and you didn't even notice the difference, YOU STUPID FUCK.