A SURVEY OF ENGLISH BANDITRY 

I was speaking to two Chinese people who approached me in English. I spoke to them in English, and then added in some Chinese. One of the people got a strange expression on his face and told me he didn’t understand. The other was like, “what do you mean you don’t understand? He said that totally clearly.” The other became flustered because his friend didn’t catch onto his fake miscomprehension trick. [Source]

I really tried to speak japanese whenever possible...but some acted like they didn't understand me and then of course (out of hesitation) I repeated myself in english. Or - the common scene - I asked sth in japanese and the answer came back in english. [Source]

Yes. I was on a day tour in Thailand and there were quite a few Japanese people, but I never spoke Japanese. It was funny, because I would comment in English on things they had said in Japanese, but nobody seemed to put two and two together and realize that I understood Japanese. [Source]

The problems arose when they would refuse to speak anything but English to the Whites, even though for most Japanese was a much more efficient means of communication (their English was terrible, but their Jpn was often quite good). Now, there is a strategic element to any such decision, but it was obvious they genuinely enjoyed the possibilities and opportunities, even though we made it very clear we Whites did not like this situation unless the conversation was already in English.

The real friction arose when they went Mao on us, and refused to try and reach a compromise (all but one were Commies). [Source]

Anyhow, I was deadly tired and reading something or another to while away the wait of an hour and a half for the bus when this distinguished-looking Chinese gentlemen made a bee-line to my table and asked, very politely, in very good English if he could sit with me and talk English. Equally politely I explained that I was exhausted and just wanted to rest. So he sat at the next table, naturally at the chair closest to mine and …. yes, before ten minutes was up, we were into a conversation that I couldn’t escape from. ... [Source]

I was speaking with a Chinese friend in Chinese in a public place. My friend didn’t speak English. A Chinese man I didn’t know approached me and engaged me in coversation in English. He refused to switch over to Chinese, even though my friend couldn’t follow the conversation. My friend and I had to leave to get away from the guy. [Source]

I got ambushed at Yamada Denki. But it was a little different. I was looking for a new mouse, and after looking at the myriad of mouse, this nicely dressed guy came up and asked me if I what I was looking for. He looked like he could have been a worker, so I said, I wanted a cordless mouse, and he started to look for one with me. Then he started to ask me questions in English, what do I do, and how long had I been in Japan. He spoke quite well, and then he whipped out a business card stating that he is a member of the Jehovah's Witness and he invited me to go to their prayer meetings. I grabbed a mouse and took off, thanking him for his help. [Source]

For some reason or other, recently a number of people who have talked English at me have seemed to want me to hear their confession. One old gaffer ambled up to me during Hanami season and started telling me all about how much he admired MacArthur because of the horrors of WWII, which he described in detail. [Source]

I had some random come up to me a few years back during new years in Asuka, wanting to appologise for WWII, when I told him I was from Darwin, Australia he was even happier to chat. I was less happy.... [Source]

Bandit: Excuse me, can you speak English?
Friend: Anoka? Pipestone sugar hills, etooooo St.Cloud Hennepin. Ok?

Bandit: (puzzled) Excuse me?
Friend: Hennepin!!! (gestures wildly) Fridley Fridley Cass Lake. Chaska Rochester??? [Source]

I usually just respond in either French or German, depending on what mood I'm in.

English Bandit: "Hello! Where are you from?"
Me: *optional* "Spreken zie deutsch?" / "Parlez vous francais?"

(I use German when I want to scare them) [Source]

If Chinese come up to me and speak English I will just greet them with my crappy Japanese (Konichiwa, gomenasai, wakalimashita) and bow a few times. This will either agitate them or scare them off. If they speak Chinese with me I will speak Filipino to them. Either way I avoid getting interrogated. [Source]

Whenever I get pestered with chinglish by shanghainese molestors (and we all know them) I will speak MY language, and that is Spanish. I do also speak German and French fluent. Here we go with the most important european world languages. A great way to keep my mind calm in this lovely city is to speak spanish whenever I hear english words coming out from shanghainese lips. Great way to scare them, they become even smaller, shocked, insecure reeeed face is coming up…(why?) and just run away. Thanks, that´s what I want. [Source]

Would-be rapist: “Hi, how are you? I’m happy to meet you…”
Me: “Qu’est-ce que vous voulez monsieur l’encule…”
Would-be rapist: “Uhh…”
Me (doing a little counter-raping): “对不起,我是法国人. 我的英语讲得不好. 不过, 你好像讲得很流利. 肯定比我好” [Source]

In Korea, I would speak to Spanish to Koreans looking for English target practice. In China, I spoke Korean. It was hilarious to see the expressions on some people’s faces as they tried to reconcile the white face with the Korean language. One guy actually figured it out and said, “You can speak Korean” in English, of course. [Source]

II think that the key, perhaps, to tackling the "English bandit" issue is to challenge the whole "exoticism" that draws such curiosity. With people like who Nismo is describing, I tend to INSIST on speaking in Japanese and NEVER in English, no matter how hard it is for me. Whenever they ask me questions about "my country" my answer is almost always that it's the same as in Japan. I try to make my "foreignness" as mundane and boring as possible in the hopes of removing the itching desire to associate with me because I MIGHT be DIFFERENT..... [Source]

I hate it when I go to a store and ask for something in Japanese and they try to answer to horrible Tarzan English. When it happens I keep going in Japanese. Usually they give up, but if they're really persistent and try to show off their English, I speak really quickly until they loose confidence and give up. [Source]

The best way to avoid the eigo bandits is to study Japanese. If your Japanese is so good that you can be funny and/or interesting in that language (something that the bulk of Japanese can't do in English), that will tend to neutralize them. They won't have a choice but to communicate in the language that is easier for them to be expressive in. [Source]

In general if you are polite, friendly and speak Japanese well then people will quickly adjust and just speak their own language with you. Most people will take the easiest path and once you have established that you speak the language well then people should be happy to converse in that language. I lived in 4 major cities in Japan over 3 1/2 years and never once had a problem with someone refusing to speak Japanese to me, even people who were far more fluent in English than I am in Japanese. I actually find it far more of problem with some people avoiding standard Japanese even when I can't understand the particular local dialect. [Source]

No matter what they say, in what language, just answer in Japanese. This always solves the problem for me. [Source]

HHa! I learned to to deal with it in a chinese way. I simply agree, and go on with the conversation, but in mandarin (yeah, I know it doesnt work for all). [Source]

I’ve only had this problem in China when people thought their English was better than my Chinese. Then I would start talking about politics or current events in mandarin and it served as a verbal pimp slap. [Source]

The way I dealt with business settings here was to learn enough Japanese to shut down anybody who thought that it would be cute to try a little English with the foreigner. That sounds cold, but in day to day interactions, it is alot more efficient. [Source]

Entry by: Dan Kirk
Note: Please refer to the original posting for much more.

The other week someone blatantly interrupted my conversation and said "May I join you ? Can we talk?" so I just silently stared at him like "WTF!". He then asked "Where are you from?" (at least this guy didn't fuck up the simplest question!), and I continued to stare silently. He then asked "Is talking okay?" and I just stared like "WTF!".  [Source]

I always just try to keep in mind that although this happens every week to me, it might be the first time for them...the other day I was in a park trying to read a book and an old dude sat down next to me `are you american?`.. `no` and turn back to the book. the questions kept coming untill I was only answering with grunts without looking up from the book. after about five minutes of trying to focus with some old dude going off in my ear i just walked off. he didnt seem to notice... [Source]

Before the words left my mouth I realized he WASNT Kubota, but I continued anyway. I added an "Itsumo O-sewani nattorimasu" as if he was an honored customer or client or teacher. I also act very nervous at meeting the oh-so-important Kubota. He then switched to Japanese and hurredly tried to assure me that he was not this honored acquintence of mine. He was a bit appologetic that I mistook him for somebody else especially that I mistook him for somebody whom I appeared to hold in great esteem

. . .

I"ve since done this several times- pretending to mistake the leech for someone I know. It never fails to amuse me, and cause embarrasment for the leech! It also affords the satisfaction that I could very well have ridded the world of one more leech. [Source]

My advice is to go places where no one speaks English and no cares if you are a foreigner. Go into little bars and strike up conversations with the locals and the mama-sans. If you try and talk to your students or Anglo-philes its likely they will speak English to you.

. . .

Lastly to learn to speak japanese you have to be ruthless and not give a sh-it what people think.  [Source]

Recently however, due to a vast improvement of my language skills, when I first meet people I tell them that although I speak English, I only speak japanese to Japanese people becasue I respect their culture. Which is in fact true.  [Source]

i actually, explain to them the actual situation.
when i have a hard time to understand them, i just kindly tell them that it is better to speak japanese, so that we can understand each other, it may hurt them in the beginning, but the more we talk the more my initial offence is forgotten. [Source]

 unfortunately i tell them straigh, but kindly, please speak to me in japanese, because i don't understand what you are talking about, i never had any probelm with that approach. [Source]

Strangely, what causes this situation is not limited vocabulary, or grammatical mistakes. It all has to do with your pronunciation (IMHO). If you sound like a gaijin, they're gonna answer in English, even if you obviously KNOW Japanese pretty well, better than they know English.

. . .

So my advice: try practicing pronunciation (like maybe to the point where people on the phone can't tell you're a foreigner for the first minute or so, although this would entail some correct vocabulary and set phrases as well, to be sure). I predict you'll see your conversations in Japanese skyrocket. [Source]

If your pronunciation was good enough, they would understand the words because it wouldn't be too heavily accented to understand, even though foreigners usually wouldn't be saying what you are saying. Its because you are saying something that is heavily accented, and that they dont expect foreigners to be able to say, ...  [Source]

For the restaurant scenario, how about this? As soon as you walk in, just when they're registering that you're a gaijin and preparing to unleash the Tarzan speak, fire off a 「どうしようかな」or　「おすすめがありますか？」; that way, you've already started a simple conversation in Japanese, and the reasonable people will answer you in Japanese,...  [Source]

Speaking Japanese to a Japanese person in Japan and getting a reply in broken English is absolutely my least favourite thing about Japan that I experience in daily life.

. . .

3) If they are really persistent I might go off on one about typical Japanese prejudice, expecting all non-Japanese to not be able to speak Japanese and speak English, etc  [Source]

Say in English:
"You're having a lot of trouble with English. Do you want me to speak in Japanese?"

It's kind of nasty because they will either say 'yes' or 'no' or nothing but either way, you've told them their English sucks and they wont deny it. [Source]

So I've been in Japan for about a year and have studied my ass off with teachers and have a rule to never use English outside of my job. I've never cared about what people would think when my Japanese broken, and I'm glad I stuck to my guns because I can hold my own using Japanese in a conversation now.

. . .

The car ride back to his house he was speaking to me in all English, but I was firm to not use English, even though his ability I do admit was high. I answered everything back in Japanese with little effort, and by the time we reached his house I had exhausted him out,...  [Source]

So I've been in Japan for about a year and have studied my ass off with teachers and have a rule to never use English outside of my job. I've never cared about what people would think when my Japanese broken, and I'm glad I stuck to my guns because I can hold my own using Japanese in a conversation now.

. . .

The car ride back to his house he was speaking to me in all English, but I was firm to not use English, even though his ability I do admit was high. I answered everything back in Japanese with little effort, and by the time we reached his house I had exhausted him out,...  [Source]

Sooner or later, I have to encounter an "English Bandit" or "Japanese is too hard for foreigners" (JITHF) type person. Like most of the other posters have mentioned in this thread, I absolutely, positively don't speak to anyone in English unless (1) it's absolutely necessary or (2) that person ranks above me.  [Source]

Entry by: Taboujoe
Note: Please refer to the original posting, the author lists a number of unique strategies he employs.

3. Play "Language tennis." If they say "streetlight" then I say "Shingo." If they say "small" then I say "chiisai."  [Source]

Let them speak some English to you, reply back in English.…here’s the tricky part…..switch to Japanese and give them a chance to reciprocate to see if they reply back in Japanese. If they don’t, let the language war begin! Speak only Japanese. At least you knew you gave them a chance to reciprocate, which is a cultural trait of the Japn to do so (お返し,okaeshi). [Source]

There is a simple way to flummox “language vampires”. Set up a FREE English corner for two hours a week at McDonalds. Each time a Chinese person wants to practice their English, tell him or her that you have come to China to learn about their great civilization. Therefore, normally you only speak in Chinese. However, as you do NOT want to exploit the Chinese, you are volunteering 90 minutes of your time each week.* [Source] [Local Mirror]

Entry by: Stephen Thomas
Note: Please refer to the original posting, the author gives details of his unique strategy. I have mirrored the original page since the original source has shut down.

But as an English speaking person in Japan it is almost unavoidable to be spoken to in English. And when someone, does speak to me in English, I've found that it is impractical to start fuming at the insult (some actually hope for that reaction).

. . .

The only point I'm trying to make is that it's too stressful to see in every English remark some deeper ulterior motive. [Source]

So I was coming home from Comiket yesterday with another hakujin friend of mine, and we were trying to locate Kokusaitenjijou on the map in the train we just boarded in order to get home. After stairing at the map for a good five minues, a Japanese guy asked, in English "Excuse me, can I help you?" to which I responded "国際展示場はどこ？" He seemed visibly shocked that Japanese came out of my mouth, but he persisted regardless "Oh... that was... last station..." "あ、もう知ってるけど、この地図で．．．" Anyway, this conversation continued for another two minutes, me using Japanese and him using English. At first I was annoyed that I'd encountered my first English Bandit, but then I felt bad for kind of brushing him off. I wanted to comment on his English... but then I realised I don't know how to address somebody I don't know. おまえ? きみ? Arn't both of those somewhat rude? I wasn't being paticularly polite to him in the first place so I wasn't really sure where to go from here... [Source]

OOn the subject of people trying to speak English to you, DON'T be afraid to be rude. You don't hesitate to tell homeless scum to take a hike when they ask you for money, and you have no qualms about telling the flower-giving Hari Krishnas on the street corner to go to hell, so why be nice to some Japanese guy who comes up to you out of nowhere to speak poor-ass broken English to you on the local train? These people are intruding on you.� Understand that. You have no social responsibility to be nice to someone who comes up to you out of nowhere and starts talking to you in English.

. . .
 
You are allowing them to intrude on you, and every time you allow them to do so you encourage them to do it TO ME, and I don't like it. [Source]

Sometimes students and teachers tell me that I am employed to speak English. I ask them whether they have seen my contract and point out that I am only employed to teach during class. Outside of class they have no fvckin' rights to dictate what language I speak. [Source]

...balding salarymen fucks that come up to you in public places and ask if they can speak English AT you?...

I'm just curious, as a friend of mine tonight told one guy to fuck right off to his face tonight.... [Source]

I have also used the “Sure, I’ll teach you English, and in exchange you can clean my bathroom, okay?” approach, with equal success. [Source]

I used to have the same problem when I was living in Thailand. I learnt to say, in a near perfect Thai accent, “Sorry, I’m Thai, I don’t speak English”. As I am very tall, very white and very blond, it would confuse the hell out of them. Barrels of laughs. [Source]

WWe usually said with a straight face to the girls that we will teach them English but only with their tops off. Worked like a charm everytime except once. I did enjoyed the winners curse that one time!  [Source]

This is where being able to speak just a little Chinese comes in handy:
China: May I ask you some questions?
sarc: 你可以 (heavily accented)
China: You can speak English to me!
sarc: 你说英语,我说中文吧,就我门都会练习. (bad grammar)
China turns and walks away, without even a “goodbye” look on his face.
Works every time, but that final rejection can jolt.

Or how about:
China: Can I ask you some questions?
sarc: You can ask me one, and you’ve just asked it.  [Source]

Depending on my mood - and if I’m thinking on my feet - I tell Chinese people after they greet me with the customary “Hellooo” that I don’t speak English. Of course, I say this in Chinese. And I add, and I’m from Greece and only know how to speak Greek and a little Chinese. A white Chinese lie, but one that saves me some hassles and gives me a chance to practice my own Chinese - in China. [Source]

... i feel im pretty conversationally fluent and understand almost everything everyone says to me, like 19 out of 20 times , just wanted to say that this kind of stonewalling has so rarely happened to me, to be almost never. i think its about looking like you belong regardless of what your face looks like. and also because i look confident when i speak korean no one tries to speak english usually, and i usually recieve korean questions when i enter a store or restaurant without even opening my mouth. [Source]

i always have my ipod earphones in, even if it's not turned on, just to avoid people talking to me. yes, i know it's terribly unfriendly, but that's me. [Source]

usually i just tell them i don't understand (and this is always the case anyway) and to ask them what they want. other times, i'll just put on my sunglasses and ipod and generally people don't bug me. [Source]